How to Deal with Passive Aggression in Your Spouse
Few things are more frustrating than trying to resolve a conflict when the other person refuses to be direct. Maybe it’s the sarcastic comment that stings more than a shout, the silent treatment that lasts for days, or the repeated phrase “I’m fine” that clearly means otherwise.
Passive aggression can leave you feeling stuck—unable to repair the situation, unsure what’s really wrong, and increasingly resentful over time. In marriage, this pattern can quietly erode emotional safety, trust, and communication.
If you’re married to a passive-aggressive spouse, you’ve likely wondered: How do I deal with this in a healthy way? Can anything actually change if my partner won’t talk openly?
At The Marriage Workshop, we help couples break these cycles—not with more conflict, but with insight, emotional attunement, and biblically grounded wisdom.
What Passive Aggression Looks Like in Marriage
Passive aggression is indirect expression of anger or frustration. Instead of saying what’s wrong, a passive-aggressive partner may express displeasure through sarcasm, procrastination, subtle jabs, or withholding affection.
In marriage, it often looks like:
Avoiding direct communication after a disagreement
Making snide or sarcastic comments instead of honest expression
“Forgetting” to do things that were agreed upon
Using silence or withdrawal to punish without explanation
Masking frustration behind spiritual or moral superiority
These behaviors can be confusing. You know something is off, but you're made to feel like you’re the problem for bringing it up.
Over time, passive aggression doesn’t just create surface tension—it creates emotional disconnection and erodes trust.
Why Passive Aggression Shows Up in Marriage
Most passive-aggressive behavior isn’t about cruelty—it’s about emotional protection. A spouse who communicates this way may:
Fear direct confrontation and conflict
Worry that expressing anger will damage the relationship
Feel powerless or unheard in the marriage
Have grown up in a family where emotions were suppressed or punished
Passive aggression is often a learned strategy—a way of avoiding the vulnerability that comes with honest expression. Unfortunately, it keeps real healing out of reach and often pushes partners further apart.
How to Respond Without Escalating
When faced with passive-aggressive behavior, it’s tempting to respond with your own anger or sarcasm. But that usually makes the dynamic worse. Instead, try to stay grounded and respond in a way that promotes clarity, not control.
Here are some practical steps:
Call out the dynamic gently. For example, “I feel like something’s bothering you, but it’s hard for me to understand when we’re not talking directly.”
Stay focused on emotional impact, not accusation. Use “I” statements: “I feel shut out when you go quiet after we disagree.”
Invite honesty without forcing it. Let your spouse know you’re open to hearing their frustration—even if it’s hard to talk about.
Set boundaries if needed. You can ask for space when conversations turn to sarcasm or emotional manipulation. Boundaries aren’t ultimatums—they’re invitations to healthier patterns.
In therapy, we often teach couples how to name the cycle they’re in and offer emotional responses instead of defensive reactions. This builds safety and encourages more direct, vulnerable communication over time.
A Christian Lens on Confronting Passive Aggression
Christian marriage calls us to truth in love. Ephesians 4:15 reminds us to speak truthfully and lovingly—not to avoid conflict in the name of peace, but to pursue genuine connection grounded in grace.
Dealing with passive aggression as a Christian doesn’t mean staying silent to “keep the peace.” It means addressing problems with humility, patience, and hope for restoration.
Sometimes, that restoration begins by saying, “This hurts—and I want us to grow through it together.”
At The Marriage Workshop, our Christian couples counseling approach helps couples face hard conversations with emotional honesty and spiritual depth. We create a space where resentment, avoidance, and silence can give way to healing, clarity, and renewed commitment.
You Don’t Have to Handle This Alone
If passive aggression is keeping your marriage stuck, you don’t have to stay in that cycle. With the right tools and support, it’s possible to rebuild emotional safety and learn healthier ways to relate.
At The Marriage Workshop, we help couples across Missouri—both in-person in Springfield and Lake Ozark, and online statewide—work through patterns of miscommunication and emotional distance. Our approach blends emotionally focused therapy with faith-informed guidance to support your relationship from the inside out.
To take the first step, explore our Christian couples counseling services—or book a free consult today. Together, we can move from sarcasm and silence to sincerity and connection.
